Sometimes we get so used to the serious nature of our lives that we forget to lighten up and just relax our attitude. I do this as much as the next person and according to some in my life I do it WAY too often! It isn’t as if only one person is telling me this. This is something I have heard many times, repeatedly, it’s just that I really don’t even know all the steps to make it different.

I have an awareness and I firmly believe that AWARENESS is the first key. I make a daily effort to meditate and that seems to really keep me in a calm state of mind, MOST OF THE TIME…life is not a perfect science, events and stress intervene for all of us. Meditation has done wonders for me, it allows me a sense of real peace, where I can feel a physical difference in the energy of my body. I used to be pretty high strung years ago and meditation mellowed that very well. So there is hope that I can find other ways to lighten up my serious nature….

The really funny part is that I used to be very light hearted, spontaneous and carefree… say until around age 33. Some time around then life hit me with some real challenges, the end of a deeply significant relationship, my mother getting cancer in 1997 and from there my life seemed to take on a direction of it’s own, filled with pain and loss and deep, unending grief. Just about the time I felt I was turning the corner on my grief over my mother and really living again (six yrs time) my dad was diagnosed with non hogkins lymphoma and died 12 days later.

Those events and the circumstance and responsibilities I was forced to assume after my dad’s death changed me deeply. So finding that fun loving, carefree side of myself comes generally only with travel adventures or escapes where I feel I can be my most relaxed. Learning to integrate it in daily life is more challenging for me these days…. at least according to those around me. I try to keep an awareness and also a reality check that those around me don’t always understand what I have faced or the effect it had on me, so I as I learn to lighten up a day at a time I keep my own council, knowing I know who I am and why I’m this way.

I’m learning to make changes a step at a time, from a place with a healed heart. That alone is a blessing and one not to be undervalued. My life wasn’t always good, in fact at some points the pain was so bad and the grief so numbing that death felt like the easier option. To reach this point, of joy and healing and blessings is incredible. It happened with small, slow steps, so gradually at times that I couldn’t even see some of the healing taking place. Only realizing it as my heart began to lift and my spirit began to heal and feel alive again. It is amazing and beautiful to have reached this point. I am deeply grateful to be at this point where I am now capable of helping others.

As such I try to keep a grateful attitude for the people and activities in my life while learning a step at a time to lighten up and see the world in a more spontaneous fashion. It’s a process…one day at a time… just like life. Blessings and love to each of you!

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Indian Rocks Beach Friday night BEFORE I ditched the cell phone.

This weekend became an R&R weekend for me. I knew by Thursday night after seven constant days of home projects behind me and more ahead that I had to just STOP THE MERRY GO ROUND, step off and say no more. I knew I had to care for my body, my mind and my spirit.

I was so far beyond exhausted that I could hardly get out of bed on Friday. When you are 44 years old and you feel 90 there is something wrong. I listened, I loaed up my jeep, I did a load of laundry and I headed for my favorite beach area. For the past 48 hours I have done nothing more than sleep, read good books,nap, watch a Basbeall game, walk the beach three times and eat healthy food that I cooked myself. It has been amazing, necessary and a real eye opener for how hard I have been pushing myself these last months. I unplugged from the internet for 24 hours, and stayed away from my cell phone for the weekend except to check in on my 80 year old grandma, especially leaving it behind when I went to the beach.

I feel good again, not fully rested but a far cry from the woman who was dragging her ass to drive to the beach on early Friday afternoon. This morning as I finished my beach walk I could take a deep breath again, I could feel joy and relaxation filling my body. I had found me again….what a relief. I knew as I walked the beach again this morning that selling my house and moving to the beach has been the right decision for my life. I just underestimated the time, energy, money and effort it would take me to reach completion.

I’m still not there, but I’m feeling much closer and it’s a damn good thing, because I’m in need of a lot more R&R and a lot less home projects, less boxing up belongings, less donating things and selling things. I am really over it all. Now I understand my friends who have sold most of their belongings and moved overseas….I really have a much better understanding of where you each were when you made those decisions. If I had known what a ride this would be….WOW…I might have been to afraid to embark for the journey. But, hey I’ve made it this far and I won’t look back now. A few more R&R weekends and I may be my real, natural self again. This one was a fabulous beginning.