Following Dreams


linnmarrhappysunflower.jpgLife is filled with moments of great joy and moments when we need the quiet loving support of those who know us best. Today is one of those days when I needed the loving and warm support of my family and spirit brought it to me in a small but clear way. Since last night I’ve been feeling longing for my parents, for their warmth, their clear knowing of me and who I am and what I’m about. So much doesn’t even need words with the people who have known you your whole life, or a good share of your life. I lack that most of the time in my life. Most of the people I’ve known my entire life either live in another place far from me or have passed on into spirit so at times I long for the comfort of the ones that know me best and love me despite my many flaws.

As I was doing things around the house this morning, thinking of my parents and missing them I pulled a container from the cabinet and on top of it was a coaster; The coaster was embossed with Jane and this saying,

From the Hebrew “God is gracious,” She is gentle and loving, kind and caring; always there when you need her. a friend you can turn to.

Jane is the name of my mother who has passed into spirit. So on this day when I needed her so much she showed me yet again, in a clear way that she is always watching over me, always loving me, guiding me from the other side. I love you mom and I’m grateful for your love and support from spirit. I have much to learn and I know you are helping me and smiling down on me. I miss you.

Photo Credit: Flickr Linn Marr

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11-10-2007-04.jpgA picture of one of my favorite places in Germany. The island of Hiddensee where I was fortunate to spend a couple lovely weekends. Everything happens in divine right order.

Everyone knows that selling a house today is a situation that requires a great deal of time, energy and patience. I feel really blessed that I have had approximately eight showings in the last two and a half weeks, but what I really want is my house to be sold. So like everyone I face that eternal challenge to go with the flow and trust that everything is in DRO; Divine Right Order and that my house will sell just as it should, to the family that is most suited to my house. Waiting is a challenge, but like finding a new job, or moving to a new continent….something I have done several times over it always falls into place at the exact right moment and you experience that light bulb moment of “ah, this is why I needed to wait.”

I remember some years ago when I was searching for an international job and I lost out on one in Dresden, Germany because their email didn’t reach me in Hawaii before I headed to the job fair in Houston. I remember standing by the Dresden line saying to myself, maybe I should request an interview with this school. But, something held me back and I didn’t get in their line, didn’t interview and then flew back to Hawaii finding that they had in fact been interested in me. I was crushed and disappointed.

Fast forward another eight months I now had two job offers, one in Indonesia and one in Berlin, Germany. I opted for the Berlin, Germany post. Taking that job changed my life and deepened my love of travel and expat life. If I had taken the Dresden job I would have never met the special man who shared my life in Berlin. Everything happens for a reason, DIVINE RIGHT ORDER I remind myself today as I wait for my house to sell. Blessing and love to each of you!

Photo Credit: Lisa Overman

Today as I sit here contemplating my life, I seriously feel like hopping a plane to a far away island and never looking back. I am so sick of the bullshit. I have far too many responsiblities, too many open ended situations with almost no answers for any of them. On top of this I’ve had the flu for a week, and am still dealing with the remaining cough and feelings of exhaustion. The week prior to that I was racing around preparing for my grandma’s 81rst birthday. Happy Birthday Grandma! 81 is pretty amazing! The two weeks before that found me waiting for test results to see if I had cancer. I do not. I am beyond grateful.

Today I’ve had enough of the bullshit. I am tired of being responsible for so many situations. I’m equally tired of waiting for the ellusive answers I need on more fronts than I care to think about. There are questions, so many questions, more concerns, and some very real wall scaling challenges in my life. Today I feel like packing it in, heading for the airport and saying that’s it. I’m done; I want off this freaking carnival ride.