Family


Hi, I hope you will enjoy your visit to Healing Through Love, my blog that offers support for those healing, or experiencing life challenges and changes.. It’s also for those who love the islands and for those who are on the other side of a loss and are finding their way to adventure and joy again.

This blog site has been a wonderful learning and growing experience for me. I have now created an official website at http://www.lisaoverman.com Where you can find inspirational and supportive articles on healing, life, relationships, travel, adventure and a host of other topics. I hope you will come for a visit and enjoy it enough to come back often. Blessings to you!

linnmarrhappysunflower.jpgLife is filled with moments of great joy and moments when we need the quiet loving support of those who know us best. Today is one of those days when I needed the loving and warm support of my family and spirit brought it to me in a small but clear way. Since last night I’ve been feeling longing for my parents, for their warmth, their clear knowing of me and who I am and what I’m about. So much doesn’t even need words with the people who have known you your whole life, or a good share of your life. I lack that most of the time in my life. Most of the people I’ve known my entire life either live in another place far from me or have passed on into spirit so at times I long for the comfort of the ones that know me best and love me despite my many flaws.

As I was doing things around the house this morning, thinking of my parents and missing them I pulled a container from the cabinet and on top of it was a coaster; The coaster was embossed with Jane and this saying,

From the Hebrew “God is gracious,” She is gentle and loving, kind and caring; always there when you need her. a friend you can turn to.

Jane is the name of my mother who has passed into spirit. So on this day when I needed her so much she showed me yet again, in a clear way that she is always watching over me, always loving me, guiding me from the other side. I love you mom and I’m grateful for your love and support from spirit. I have much to learn and I know you are helping me and smiling down on me. I miss you.

Photo Credit: Flickr Linn Marr

Occasionally we all have a day that reminds us we are not in control and we might as well just sit back, take it all in and forget about the notion that every thing is going to work the way we would like it. Tonight was my night for that reminder. After a week of five visitors in my house, an over night trip to Disney, and several day excursions to the beach I was ready for a simple, quiet evening. Some one up stairs was laughing at the very notion.

It all started out simple enough… isn’t that always the case? I’m just shaking my head, after the whole thing is said and done what else is there to do? After driving back from an over night Disney trip I was tired and ready for some relaxation. After cleaning the guest room and changing the sheets and towels I settled down for a nap. All clear on the home front, nap accomplished and the world seemed in order….ha ha..ha…

I got up to make dinner for my remaining relatives; down to two from five! I decide to grill some meat and make some baked french fries and veggies. It seemed simple enough and things appeared to be moving right along. That is until I tried to light the grill. One of my visitors who is now flying home didn’t completely turn off my gas grill a few days ago and all the propane escaped. Thankfully I have a small weber and the tank only holds 14 oz.

We are now in dinner crisis mode…the baked fries are in the oven, I am ready to cook the meat and we have no propane. Sears where I got the original three canisters is a half hour round trip in rush hour Friday night traffic. How many options do I have? I try calling Target and Home Depot, after at least an 8 min wait for both stores I still have NO ONE answering at the garden dept. I hang up pissed and frustrated. I pull out the carryout menu’s and tell my relatives start thinking about what you would like to eat in the event I can’t find propane at Home Depot. I get in the jeep and head to Home Depot; thankful it’s two blocks away from my home.

I am nearly gleeful, Home Depot has the small canisters of propane. I feel mildly successful and head home, ready to cook. The success lasts about as long as it takes to drive home. In my absence one of my cats has decided to counter surf for some food and has nibbled on the raw chicken brauts and burgers. Now I am really pissed. In the process I upset my grandmother with my angst and irritation. She is now feeling bad and goes up stairs to be alone. I sigh and wonder how much more complicated can it become?

I talk to my cousin, consider dinner options and then head upstairs to talk to grandma. I apologize I tell her I can’t take away the fact that I upset her or that the cat decided to try out our main course waiting to be cooked. This at least generates a smile. So I tell her again I am sorry and ask her what she would like to eat. The three of us eventually decide upon pizza and I get back in the jeep to head for the pizza parlor for our carry out.

When it was all said and done, we had dinner at least an hour and a half later than planned and I struggled to manage my house hold crisis but we survived and it was a very clear reminder to just go with the flow and realize we are not always in control of our lives.

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Two days ago I discovered photos of my father’s that I’ve spent four years searching for. When my father died my relatives and I began by searching for photos to use in our power point slide show for his funeral. We found some, but not the quanity we expected and there were portions of his life missing in the photos. I was puzzled and continued to search the house top to bottom and found nothing. I was stumped, over and over I looked. What had my father done with the photos?

Two days ago when sorting through file cabinets in the garage I stumbled across an entire drawer in a large file cabinet filled with manilla folders and files of photos. I had to smile, this was so typical of my father. He was a business man who was very efficient and organized. Many of us put our photos in albums, apparently not my dad. His photos were in manilla envelopes organized by family event or by vacation. It was a blessed moment to find these photos. I ended up spending nearly half a day sorting through pictures and the accompanying letters and cards I had written my dad over the years that he had saved.

It was a deeply emotional journey for me to view some of those pictures and reflect on the relationship ups and downs my father and I faced through the years. As I read the letters I had written, not every letter was a happy one. There were moments in my father and I’s relationship that were filled with conflict, much like any family and to reflect on what we had faced and healed over the years was deeply moving, painful and healing. I found that by the evening my body and spirit felt like I had been through a war. It stunned me to realize the depth of feeling that remained in my heart for some of those moments that we experienced as daughter and father.

It was a gift to find those photos and I have now used some of my favorites of my dad and of my life in the tropics to create a work station/desk area for my writing. I am including a picture of the workstation. It is the desk my father used. It used to be a boring office black color. I took it to a powder coat company and had it painted a tropical ocean color and then finished it with a collage of photos from those I found two days ago. The cost for this project was just over 250 dollars, plus an additional fee of 75 dollars for a specialized paint color that had to be ordered. If a basic color is selected there is generally no additional fee. If you have a similar desk you could do the same and create a personal look that you love. I will treasure this work area because it brings a small part of my dad’s life close to me and allows me the pleasure of seeing his pictures and those I sent him of my life in the tropics.

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My mom and dad at around age 18 in front of my dad’s car.

http://familytreasures.wordpress.com

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A day of celebration earlier this year with my great grandmother and grandmother.

Today, Saturday June 23rd is my Great Grandmother, Mary Breiner’s one hundred and first birthday! It is truly amazing to see her reach such an age. I thought it was astonishing last year when we had a huge celebration for her 100th birthday! This year was much more subdued, she spent the day with my grandmother playing yahtzee and visiting and then spent the evening with my grandmother and cousin John for a nice meal out. Being in another part of the country meant I couldn’t be there to share her day this yr. Thankfully I was there last yr and for several other of her special days as well. I spoke to her on the phone today, as I do many times when she visits my grandmother’s and she was doing well.

We talked about my water safety class, how she was feeling, the fact that she has lived 101 years, and just about our family and life in general. She is quite a talker, and though she does repeat her self and forget things you tell her, she is interested, and she can remember details and stories and beautiful things from her life time and mine. It is always a little piece of history and joy to speak with her and see her. Happy Birthday Grandma and much love to you. I wish often that you could share in more detail the history and stories of your life. You have experienced and seen so many changes in society and in history in your one hundred and one years. It is a piece of history and a gift to love you. Happy Birthday!

As I walked the beach tonight I took note of the way the water flowed in with each set of waves, how the sand formed patterns and how the patterns quickly changed as the next round of waves hit the beach. As I walked down the beach contemplating the serenity around me I realized that those patterns are a lot like my life.

At each point in my life things seem strong, complete and in flow with the universe. Yet as soon as I face a death in my family, a move to a new continent or the end of a relationship the pattern that seemed so strong and permanent shifts in a completely new way and I am left for a time floundering with my grief or my move to a new country and am forced to create a new pattern of living.

Sometimes the changing pattern of my life is not a pleasant experience and sometimes it’s exciting, such as when I moved to Guam, Hawaii or Germany. When my life changed due to a death or divorce the pain of creating a new pattern, a new way of life is one that took me a great deal of time and patience. There were so many dark, difficult days, when it felt like going on was going six steps back and running away seemed a lot more attractive at that point. Through the pain and the gut wrenching grief I persevered, I learned to trust in the moments of clarity. I surrendered when I was able to the moments when I saw a beautiful sunset or a gorgeous flower and for a second I remembered there was a day when my life wasn’t filled with pain and heartache.

Early on those days seemed few and far between. Trust that spirit is guiding you and that you will find ways to come through the grief and loss just as I have. It was never easy and there are still many painful moments even for me, ten years out on my mom’s death and nearly four years out on my dads. As I write this post there are tears as I sit at my kitchen table and look at their photos on my refrigerator. I miss them every day, and I wish they could share my physical life. I can’t change their fate. But I changed my attitude and the way I live my life.

It didn’t happen all at once. At first after my mom’s death was a realization that my job was consuming too much of my life. I began saying no alot more easily and wow did it feel good! The world kept revolving and they found other people to share the load. It’s amazing how that works!! I lost my mother when she was 53 years old. I was certainly not going to waste my Saturdays working or even a small part of my evenings. I was LIVING and I planned to enjoy it! About a year after my mom died I began the application process to go back overseas and teach. My mother dying was a big wake up call for FOLLOWING MY DREAMS. I knew in my heart it was the right choice and despite my fears and frustrations within approximately nine months I was on my way to a new job and life in Germany that I had long dreamed of!

My mother’s death propelled me to make changes in my life and to create a new beautiful patten she would be proud of. I know she sees my life and the progress and changes I have made. I feel her love and support surrounding me many time and have felt her assistance in moments of challenge.

It was my father’s death that propelled me to realize I must publish my book. I had been working on it for years on my summers and vacations. But his death was the turning point to focus my full attention on my gift of writing. I have created these new patterns over time and not without pain, not without soul searching and fear. Yet I knew the pattern was right, I felt it in my heart and understood it in my soul. I hope my message will help you to find the pattern in your own life, to move with the pain and realize that your life goes on, no matter how painful and sad that is. Our departed loved ones only want our happiness so trust in your heart and step forward in hope toward something that feels right, something that you can be proud of. A new pattern that will bring peace into your life once more and the reminder that life can indeed be beautiful.

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