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When you are in a state of grief emotional moments come with little or no provocation. Hearing a song that reminds you of a loved one can be a trigger for your pain, walking into a store and seeing someone who looks a bit like them in profile can do it as well. The weeks and months after a loss are filled with a daily minefield of emotions that can errupt into a deeply painful outbursts. Some of these moments come from situations that are completely unrelated to your grief. Please don’t be surprised by this. It is all part of the grieving process. Having a loved one die creates a lot of rage, pain and grief that needs to be worked through gradually with loving and supportive family members, friends and possibly a counselor or grief support group.

The deeply painful emotions can come virtually out of no where. I reflect back on my own losses and see moments of the darkest pain I can ever imagine feeling. I can remember moments when my grief and emotional pain overwhelmed me, causing pain to those I loved. At times they bore the brunt of the emotions I was feeling, and the pain I was living through. It isn’t easy to grieve or to find safe moments to release that pain, so at times those we love bear the brunt of our emotional mood swings and pain when we most need to release it. Sometimes it isn’t until long after that we realize just how deeply our grief and pain must have touched those near to us. It was only as I faced this very situation with someone close to me that I realized just how deeply and painfully my own past grief must have touched those I’ve loved.

Gratefully with time the pain is less. It’s never gone, the losses I’ve experienced are always with me, they touch every part of my life and being. Yet with time I have found a sense of peace and created a life for myself that brings me joy and allows me a deeper appreciation for the person I’ve become because of my losses. May you find people who love, support and understand your most deeply painful moments and who allow you to be yourself, loving and accepting you through the roller coaster of emotions a person in grief faces. I’m grateful to those nearest to me for supporting me and loving me through those very dark days.