Big Sur Cove
photo from

I was reminded last week with Sean’s loss
of a feeling I experienced after my mother and father died.
I remember clearly moving through the hours
and the days, going to work, talking to friends,
running errands and yet feeling emotionally numb
and painfully empty. I was living on two very different
planes, one the physical daily grind of life,
the other the very raw and exposed pain of my heart,
of my loss. It felt at times as if the world
was going way too fast. I was in a deep wounding pain.
Didn’t the rest of the world see that my life had
just come to a painful and abrupt halt?
I wanted to stop and get off the merry- go-round.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide.

Everything about my world had changed, including me.
With the loss of my mother my life changed.
Her loss and death was painful, like a knife
twisting constantly in my heart. I was without
the major cheerleader in my life. My mother was
my strongest supporter and staunchest ally. She always
encouraged me to pursue my dreams.
She also didn’t pull any punches when she didn’t agree
with my choices. Yet she was always there for me
and she loved me completely.

It took time for me to rebuild my life and it was a
very painful process. With time I became a better
person, a more loving and compassionate person.
Her loss forced me to realize it was my
responsibility to create the life I wanted.
Losing her gave me the courage to go back
overseas to pursue my dream of living in
other cultures; something I’d always loved.
Her loss also gave me the added knowledge
I needed to write and help others in grief and pain.

I love writing, it’s what brings my soul peace.
It’s what I’m meant to do. I would never have
chosen this way to become the writer I dreamed
of being; yet God chose and with his choice
comes a responsibilty to use my gift.
I now have the knowledge and
compassion to help others in their moments of deep
grief and pain. If you are grieving I pray that you
too will find peace and a purpose in your painful loss.
May love surround you and guide you through the
moments you feel alone.