My dad died three and a half years ago.
The pain remains, and very likely always will.
With three and a half years of healing behind me
I have reached a place of being able to live with
the ache of his loss. I still miss him, and I still
have many days when I say,”daddy I wish you
were here to hug me and love me and help me.”

I know he’s always with me; that he watches over me
and guides me. So many times I have felt intuitions
of guidance from him. Always the guidance has
protected me or helped me to make the best choice
in my life. I have learned with practice and experience
to listen every time. A few weeks ago I felt the intuition
that I needed to change the football season tickets
from his name to mine. I had been putting that off
for three years. It was painful to contemplate that
step and let go of those tickets being his. He LOVED
football and he never missed a game. Some how for
me changing those tickets to my name was more
than I could handle and I dreaded doing it.

Finally four days before Christmas I started the
process and this week I finished it, giving them
every single necessary piece of paperwork
to make the tickets mine personally; including
the financial responsibility! laughter….. I love
going to those games and sitting in those seats,
knowing my father had these seats for many
many years. It feels special to share that part
of his life and passion. Having these
seats has been a huge learning experience;
when I began attending I knew nearly nothing of
football. After three years I can now at least
speak intelligently and follow the game fully;
which I am certain would make my dad proud.

I love my dad so very much, he wasn’t perfect
and we certainly didnt have a perfect
father daughter relationship. There were some
painful years and fights between us that
I have learned with time to release peacefully.
Thankfully my father and I had reached a
point of mutual respect and deep love for one
another in the final years of his life. We had
reached a place of having some understanding
for what the other was trying to create in
their life. I know each day that my father
watches over me. It is so evident in the way
that my life unfolds and in the assistance I have
when I need it most. He is there for me and I am
grateful. I wish I could touch him again,
feel his arms around me, comforting me in this
physical world but I’ve reached a place of
accepting that can’t be. It remains painful
and tears fall as I write this page. It’s never
going to be the same, but I’m going to be alright,
and when the football season starts I will be there,
in daddy’s seats remembering him with deep love
and gratitude.