As a survivor of grief I can assure you that you will hear
comments that will make you shake your head. People care deeply;
they just don’t always know the right thing to say….
and in the absence of the right thing to say…
THEY SOMETIMES SAY THE WRONG THING!

Things people said after my daughter died of a premature birth
in Dec of 1987.

Gee Jane (my mother’s name) you seem so depressed lately.
(Honestly I had to shake my head.)

Your young, you’ll have other children.
(AS IF that would take away the grief of losing my daughter Sydney….)

During my grief a few people who were usually
very close to me backed off. This was very disheartening to me,
yet what I eventually understood was that the grief was hitting
home for them; either it brought up their own sad memories and
they needed time to adjust or they werent comfortable with grief
and weren’t sure what to say.

I also got to know people who connected with
my grief. They stepped forward to offer support, when I didn’t
know them well. They were colleagues or aquaintances, yet they
offered real support in a moment of eye contact and a hug. In that
connection I could see clearly that they REALLY GOT IT;
THEY TRULY UNDERSTOOD. They too had felt this pain.
It’s the multitude of small moments;
the love really; that will help you begin to heal.

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