As a survivor of grief I can assure you that you will hear
comments that will make you shake your head. People care deeply;
they just don’t always know the right thing to say….
and in the absence of the right thing to say…

Things people said after my daughter died of a premature birth
in Dec of 1987.

Gee Jane (my mother’s name) you seem so depressed lately.
(Honestly I had to shake my head.)

Your young, you’ll have other children.
(AS IF that would take away the grief of losing my daughter Sydney….)

During my grief a few people who were usually
very close to me backed off. This was very disheartening to me,
yet what I eventually understood was that the grief was hitting
home for them; either it brought up their own sad memories and
they needed time to adjust or they werent comfortable with grief
and weren’t sure what to say.

I also got to know people who connected with
my grief. They stepped forward to offer support, when I didn’t
know them well. They were colleagues or aquaintances, yet they
offered real support in a moment of eye contact and a hug. In that
connection I could see clearly that they REALLY GOT IT;
THEY TRULY UNDERSTOOD. They too had felt this pain.
It’s the multitude of small moments;
the love really; that will help you begin to heal.