Lighten Up Your Load

Sometimes we get so used to the serious nature of our lives that we forget to lighten up and just relax our attitude. I do this as much as the next person and according to some in my life I do it WAY too often! It isn’t as if only one person is telling me this. This is something I have heard many times, repeatedly, it’s just that I really don’t even know all the steps to make it different.

I have an awareness and I firmly believe that AWARENESS is the first key. I make a daily effort to meditate and that seems to really keep me in a calm state of mind, MOST OF THE TIME…life is not a perfect science, events and stress intervene for all of us. Meditation has done wonders for me, it allows me a sense of real peace, where I can feel a physical difference in the energy of my body. I used to be pretty high strung years ago and meditation mellowed that very well. So there is hope that I can find other ways to lighten up my serious nature….

The really funny part is that I used to be very light hearted, spontaneous and carefree… say until around age 33. Some time around then life hit me with some real challenges, the end of a deeply significant relationship, my mother getting cancer in 1997 and from there my life seemed to take on a direction of it’s own, filled with pain and loss and deep, unending grief. Just about the time I felt I was turning the corner on my grief over my mother and really living again (six yrs time) my dad was diagnosed with non hogkins lymphoma and died 12 days later.

Those events and the circumstance and responsibilities I was forced to assume after my dad’s death changed me deeply. So finding that fun loving, carefree side of myself comes generally only with travel adventures or escapes where I feel I can be my most relaxed. Learning to integrate it in daily life is more challenging for me these days…. at least according to those around me. I try to keep an awareness and also a reality check that those around me don’t always understand what I have faced or the effect it had on me, so I as I learn to lighten up a day at a time I keep my own council, knowing I know who I am and why I’m this way.

I’m learning to make changes a step at a time, from a place with a healed heart. That alone is a blessing and one not to be undervalued. My life wasn’t always good, in fact at some points the pain was so bad and the grief so numbing that death felt like the easier option. To reach this point, of joy and healing and blessings is incredible. It happened with small, slow steps, so gradually at times that I couldn’t even see some of the healing taking place. Only realizing it as my heart began to lift and my spirit began to heal and feel alive again. It is amazing and beautiful to have reached this point. I am deeply grateful to be at this point where I am now capable of helping others.

As such I try to keep a grateful attitude for the people and activities in my life while learning a step at a time to lighten up and see the world in a more spontaneous fashion. It’s a process…one day at a time… just like life. Blessings and love to each of you!

 

Faith, Support and Learning

Life is filled with moments of great joy and moments when we need the quiet loving support of those who know us best. Today is one of those days when I needed the loving and warm support of my family and spirit brought it to me in a small but clear way. Since last night I’ve been feeling longing for my parents, for their warmth, their clear knowing of me and who I am and what I’m about. So much doesn’t even need words with the people who have known you your whole life, or a good share of your life. I lack that most of the time in my life. Most of the people I’ve known my entire life either live in another place far from me or have passed on into spirit so at times I long for the comfort of the ones that know me best and love me despite my many flaws.

As I was doing things around the house this morning, thinking of my parents and missing them I pulled a container from the cabinet and on top of it was a coaster; The coaster was embossed with Jane and this saying,

From the Hebrew “God is gracious,” She is gentle and loving, kind and caring; always there when you need her. a friend you can turn to.

Jane is the name of my mother who has passed into spirit. So on this day when I needed her so much she showed me yet again, in a clear way that she is always watching over me, always loving me, guiding me from the other side. I love you mom and I’m grateful for your love and support from spirit. I have much to learn and I know you are helping me and smiling down on me. I miss you.

Photo Credit: Flickr Linn Marr

 

When life feels unraveled in too many directions

Today as I sit here contemplating my life, I seriously feel like hopping a plane to a far away island and never looking back. I am so sick of the bullshit. I have far too many responsiblities, too many open ended situations with almost no answers for any of them. On top of this I’ve had the flu for a week, and am still dealing with the remaining cough and feelings of exhaustion. The week prior to that I was racing around preparing for my grandma’s 81rst birthday. Happy Birthday Grandma! 81 is pretty amazing! The two weeks before that found me waiting for test results to see if I had cancer. I do not. I am beyond grateful.

Today I’ve had enough of the bullshit. I am tired of being responsible for so many situations. I’m equally tired of waiting for the ellusive answers I need on more fronts than I care to think about. There are questions, so many questions, more concerns, and some very real wall scaling challenges in my life. Today I feel like packing it in, heading for the airport and saying that’s it. I’m done; I want off this freaking carnival ride.

 

Creating The Life We Believe In

Sometimes our lives become way laid by responsibilities and the challenges we face. For the last few days I have been dealing with personal challenges of my own. Which I will discuss further on a future date. For today I just want to say that this week has been a real reminder to me to always focus my life on what I love.

Fortunately for me I’ve found ways to do that. These days I focus my energies on my book, getting my new website up and ready to go, writing on this blog and learning how to live a simplier life near the beach again.

It isn’t easy and lately it has been damn hard and scary. But if I can take anything from this week that feels good it is the fact that I am doing what I love and I love the life I am creating for myself. I believe in what I’m doing, what I’m creating and that gives me so much joy and pleasure.

So for those of you out there, trying to figure out how to create the life you love, amid a job that stifles you, or a relationship that challenges you beyond what you ever dreamed, take heart. Take small steps; small steps lead down the same path of success I am walking, and small steps mean you are less likely to fall on your ass and make stupid mistakes. How do I know this? The voice of experience I can assure you…laughter.

There are times to take big leaps. I know I have made them. Accepting a job, sight unseen on the island of Guam. It was the BEST decision I ever made and I spent three amazing years there. Ditto for giving up a great job on Guam and heading for Hawaii. That one was dicey for a bit. I worked two jobs for a while until I found a full time job in my career field of the time…education. It did work, but it was rough for the first four months or so. That is why I say; take some small steps and get your balance and then when you feel really confident, leap into it.

It has always paid off for me. Doing what I love has brought me jobs where I found adventure, new friends, new cultures to explore and eye opening experiences that forever changed me. So this week while I face my own challenges I’m reminded that I’m leading the life I love. I take joy from what I do and what I believe in and besides family and relationships what could be better than that?

 

A Heart Filled With Peace

My dad Merl

May those of you in grief find peace in your heart in this new year. May the love of those who have passed touch you and allow you to know they are with you, watching over you and continuing to surround you with love from spirit. Many times I’ve felt the presence of my parents and I know their love is always with me guiding me and helping me when I need it most. May you have a blessed New Year!

 

A Moment of Knowing

My mom, Jane Christmas of 1996

With the rush and emotion of Christmas approaching even I, who have been down the road of healing grief for many years have some emotional and painful moments. A couple days ago as I was contemplating my day and the many tasks ahead of me I felt a wave of missing my parents rush over me. My parents have both passed over into spirit and even now many years into healing I have days that still feel deeply overwhelming without those I love most near me.

In that moment of missing them, I turned to my old standby of opening a book to any random page and seeing the message that spirit will bring me. On this day, in this moment the message was clearly my mother showing her presence and her support in my life. It was a beautiful and inspiring moment that I wanted to share so others may feel comforted as well.

The book I chose to open was called When God Winks This is a book of instances where people have found, just as I that someone was watching over them, supporting them or helping them in their moments of need and that it was much more than a simple coincidence, that it is god’s way of watching over our lives.

The page that I opened up was about Barbara Streisand and her experiences of making the movie Yentyl, which she made in honor of her father who had died. As I read the piece about her experience of feeling her father’s knowing of her making this movie I suddenly began to have my own moment of knowing.

Vividly I was reminded how much my mother adored Barbara Streisand and that she used to have a large movie poster of the movie Yentyl hanging above her office desk at home. The poster was of Barbara Striesand in character from the movie. I had received the movie poster while living in California many years ago and had given it to my mom knowing how much she loved Barbara Streisand. In that moment of reading about Barbara Striesand and Yentyl I realized without a single doubt that my mom was showing her prescence so that I would understand clearly that her love is surrounding me and supporting me still from heaven.

 

For One More Day

I think each of us who grieves can relate to the desire of wishing for just one more day with a special person we love, who has passed on. This is the topic of the movie, For One More Day, created from the book by the same name. The movie will be shown on Sunday Dec 9th. This book was written by Mitch Albom who also wrote The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Tuesdays with Morrie. For One More Day

 

God Grew Tired Of Us

This movie is truly inspiring and deeply moving. I watched God Grew Tired Of Us yesterday and felt blown away by it. This story of The Lost Boys of Sudan is deeply moving; seeing it made me even more certain that I want to adopt a child from overseas who needs the opportunity to have a more supportive, loving life.

This story makes me very interested to get involved, to help in whatever way I can. These young men survived government troops trying to kill them, while watching their parents be killed. They fled, walking approximately 1000 miles barefoot with no supplies and only the food they could gather along the way. When these young men made this walk they were anywhere from age 4 to 11. In one instance there were three young boys from one family. The oldest was eleven and he took responsibility to make certain they all three survived AT ELEVEN YEARS OLD. When I watched the footage and listened to this documentary I was moved to tears many many times over.

These young men are working whatever jobs they can as waiters, clerks, factory workers, etc.. so that they can to provide for themselves here in America and at the same time work their way through college while sending as much money as they can back to the other boys they came to know as their only family; as well as to the few family members they have been able to locate alive through relief agencies. Seeing what these boys, who are now young men have survived and accomplished gives me a different perspective on life and a real appreciation for what we can do with our lives with the right attitude, faith and determination. Everyone should see this movie! Phenominal!

 

Grieving at the Holidays

There’s little that’s worse than grieving through the holidays; in my experience. So for starters don’t expect too much of yourself, do what feels right and let the rest be for another year. There have been holiday seasons when I was in such deep grief that even putting up the Christmas tree felt like it a task beyond what I could handle. On that year I hung a wreath and had a tiny one foot table top Christmas tree, Christmas cards that year became Valentine cards! My pain was so deep, my grief so shattering that all I wished for was New Years Day; knowing that would mean Christmas was over and a new and hopefully less painful year was beginning.

I cannot make your grief less, or take away your pain. I can only tell you, take care of your self, your spirit and allow yourself to truly grieve the ones you miss. That is the only real way through the pain; to feel the loss, to feel the depth of missing them and to talk to them in spirit, or keep a journal and write out your pain. That worked for me like nothing else did and today I am a happier, healed person for allowing my grief a place in my life. I allowed myself days when all I did was sit and cry and read inspirational books, or walk on the beach or sit under a tree and remember the person I loved so dearly, who was taken from my life.

I feel for each of you in this season. I know the pain of grief and I send up prayers thaty each of you will be watched over and supported in your dark days. I remember distinctly the Christmas after my father died; (2003) there was a holiday commercial on that year that practically made me nautious. In the commercial was a big happy family in red sweaters with a golden retriever all grouped near the Christmas tree beaming with happiness as if everything in their world couldn’t be more perfect. My thought every single time I saw that commercial was I will never be a family like that, because my parents and daughter have been taken from me. It felt so unfair, because my pain was so great. I hated to even see their happiness.

Sometimes in our grief it is unbelievably painful to see others in their happiness; thankfully that feeling fades and we find a way to make peace with our loss and to create life for ourselves again. Our lives will never be the same after our loss, but they can indeed be positive again with time, healing, grief counseling, prayer and a journal. Be gentle with yourself this season and do only what you feel able to handle and close the door on the rest; saving it for another time or year when you feel more ready to handle it. Blessings to each of you!

 

Caring For Yourself When Caring For Another

Sunset in Dunedin, Florida

Caring for ourselves is essential, and many times we put caring for ourselves last on our to do list. How many of you are saying amen to this? I have been down this road a few times and have learned the hard way to pay attention to my body, spirit and intuition.

When my mother was dying I put forth tremendous energy toward supporting and loving her. At the time she learned she was ill I lived in Hawaii and she lived in Indiana. Not only did I fly back and forth three times in a three month period, but I called her nearly daily and sent her either a post card, card or letter every single day. The amount of energy, love and time I focused on my mother and helping her get through her illness until her death was extraordinary.

It took a serious toll on my emotions and my life. I found myself at times so desperately exhausted and out of sorts that I realized it had been far too long since I had taken time for myself or anything that approached fun. After a few short weeks I found myself overcome by the strain of my mother’s illness. It was a constant battle to keep my spirit focused and my every day life on track, I realized at that point I had to make time for myself in order to be the support she needed. What comes to mind is the statement that all flight attendants make during the safety demonstration. In an emergency put your oxygen mask on before assisting your child. Let’s be realistic, you can’t help another if you can’t help yourself first.

So if you are currently facing a similar situation what can you do to help yourself when you barely have time to make it through every day?

First, realize that you’re days will flow smoother if you are in a better mental space. Realistically you’re going a through a roller coaster of emotion due to the extreme situation you are facing. But there are things you can do to make it a little better. Below is my list of ten things that will help you bear the unbearable in these painful times.

1. Find time for silence, prayer or meditation. Even if you take only 15 minutes to focus your mind, pray or meditate it will help you maintain a calmness that can help you through the rough moments.

2. Focus in short spans of time, or on single event/tasks. This helped me so much after losing my mother. If I had used this technique during her illness it may have helped me. By keeping my focus on what I could do in a single half hour, rather than worrying about the dozens of things I needed to do ithroughout the day I was more calm and actually better able to deal with my day and was far less likely to lose it. Focusing on a single task allows a calmness that we cannot get when we are springing from one task to another and are split in ten different directions while dealing with the emotional upheaval that comes naturally from dealing with the serious illness of a loved one.

3 Find something that brings you pleasure and MAKE TIME FOR IT. It can be something as simple as the ritual of taking a long bath with candles and prayer. It can be a walk with your dog. It might be a late night comedy DVD that makes you laugh deeply and allows a release of emotion and pent up pain.

4. Sleep is key, get adequate rest. This is essential in helping you maintain your strength and emotional focus during a painful time. If you think I’m kidding, go back to the flight attendant rule for safety. Put your oxygen mask on before attempting to help another. You aren’t capable of helping others if you are not first taking care of yourself.

5. Find a friend and share your pain. Share your fears and allow your friend to be there in your darkest moments. I cannot emphasize this enough. When my mother died my friend Tammy was my life preserver. She allowed me to cry, yell and release my pain anytime I needed it. Ten years later I still remember the depth of her friendship and how much of a support she was to me in one of the most painful times in my life.

6. Remove yourself from the situation at least once a week and do something very normal like going to lunch with a friend. Go for a beautiful drive or walk on the beach. Take time to breath and rejuvinate yourself.

7. Gratitude.. I know that during a family health crisis is the most difficult time to think about being grateful, the depth of pain we are experiencing is so tremendous that we feel life as we know it is over. Yet in this time, we need to keep our focus and remember there are at least small things that we can be grateful for. Gratefulness changes our energy and our allows to focus for a single moment on the positive.

8. Create a network of care givers. This is so essential in not becoming overwhelmed with the care of a loved one or friend. Create a chart of mornings, afternoon and evenings when various people can be available. Another list can be created for friends or family to cook meals. Cooking is absolutely impossible when situations demands us to care for a loved one.

9. Create an email or phone chain. This way time and effort are shared. This way one person is not burdened with the effort of keeping everyone updated. Having access to email helps tremendously in keeping friends and loved ones far away in constant touch with a family crisis and offers them a small comfort in a painful time.

10. Reach out to your loved ones and create an umbrella of love that enfolds and surrounds all of you through the difficult and painful time. The support of the whole will help in the most painful moments.

 

Eat Pray Love

By: Elizabeth Gilbert

What a great book. It is a heart warming journey through the transitions of Elizabeth Gilbert’s life and her year of healing while traveling to three countries she felt drawn to. It’s absolutely worth a read! I particularly loved two particular quotes from the book. These touched my heart.

We do spiritual ceremonies as human beings in order to create a safe resting place for our most complicated feelings of joy or trauma, so that we don’t have to haul those feelings around with us forever, weighing us down. If you bring the right earnestness to your homemade ceremony, God will provide the grace.

So that’s the final lesson, isn’t it? When you set out in the world to help yourself, you inevitably end up helping….Tutti (In Italian Everybody)

 

The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent

The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent
Living the Art of Allowing
By:Esther and Jerry Hicks
(The Teachings of Abraham)

This leading-edge book by Esther and Jerry Hicks, who present the teachings of the Non-Physical entity Abraham, is about having a deliberate intent for whatever you want in life, while at the same time balancing your energy and living the Art of Allowing along the way.

This book by Ester and Jerry Hicks, with the insight and wisdom of Abraham is thought provoking, informative and a book that will touch you and offer you insight into creating in your own life through deliberate intent and the act of allowing. Having read this book, I will certainly look forward to reading others by them.

 

The Times of Our Lives

I picked up “The Times of Our Lives” yesterday and I’ve been so touched by it’s content that I read it in 24 hours! The book is put together by Louise L Hay of Hay House.

The book is touching and deeply moving. It is compiled of pieces by many authors, spiritual and medical professionals, including extraordinary moments and experiences in their lives or the lives of someone they know. I found it so beautiful and touching that I want to get copies for others. As well as being a deeply inspiring book a portion of the proceeds go to charity.

This is a quote from the back cover of the book

These are stories reflecting metaphysical miracles, momentous milestones, heartwarming, humerous, and sometimes heartbreaking reminiscences; and extraordinary poignant personal accounts.

 

Who Moved My Cheese?

I have read the book,

Who Moved My Cheese
a few times, and have owned it for several years. Each time I read it I’m touched by both it’s simplicity and it’s truth. Today this quote touched me and I wanted to share it.

Haw looked down the dark passageway and was aware of his fear. What lay ahead? Was it empty? Or worse were there dangers lurking? He began to imagine all kinds of frightening things that could happen to him. He was scaring himself to death.

Then he laughed at himself. He realized his fears were making things worse. So he did what he would do if he wasn’t afraid. He moved in a new direction.

As he started running along the dark corrider he began to smile. Haw didn’t realize it yet, but he was discovering what nourished his soul. He was letting go and trusting what lay ahead for him, even though he didn’t know exactly what it was.”

 

“A Year by the Sea”

Sometimes grief is not only from a death. Sometimes grief comes with the loss of a relationship or the realization that a relationship is changing and you’re at a cross roads where you have to determine whether you can heal a relationship or whether it will end. It wont be the same depth of grief, yet it will be a grieving process just the same.

A Year by the Sea

is a thought provoking book about the transformations a woman goes through in her life. Joan and her husband are at a crossroads when they separate with him taking a promotion in a different part of the country and Joan moving into their summer cottage on Cape Cod. The book details the journey of Joan’s life during the year she lives at Cape Cod and the transitions she makes personally and within her relationship with her husband.

I felt this was an excellent autobiography for anyone contemplating their own life transitions or transformations. It was moving, realistic and thought provoking. She has written one or two others since this one.